“All is Fair In love and war.”

The phrase just seems to makes so much sense. Simple. Poignant. Is it right though? I thought so.

The universal unpredictability of love seems fair in its randomness. Anyone can be a victim of unrequited love. So why get mad if you happen to be the one suddenly out in the cold? Right?

And war is just that. When coming out on top is all that matters all is fair. Or is it? You have no love for the enemy of course so whatever must be done to win should be justified.

Just remember that you can loose even when it may appear that you have won.

I was wrong or maybe in denial but truthfully how you go about things makes all the difference. You can win a “war” by sabotage or what have you but there are far more satisfying ways to go about it. Specifically in war Sun Tzu for example says wait for your opponent to inevitably slip up then take advantage. A true win. Honorable even.

He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared.

Therefore the skillful leader subdues the enemy’s troops without any fighting; he captures their cities without laying siege to them; he overthrows their kingdom without lengthy operations in the field.
- Sun Tzu “Art of War“

Its common to forget that in war the best win is clean and casualty free.

In regards to love, yeah I have been a jerk in the past justifying things with the “all’s fair” rationale but looking back I guess I was in denial and it was a crutch to do what I wanted with a clear conscience without considering how my actions affected others.

Now don’t get me wrong if your not feeling someone then please don’t stick around and treat them poorly. That’s the worst. Even though the person will eventually get over it… and get over you at some point that’s no reason to be a dick about how you end it.

Perhaps this is the grown me looking back at the younger me wishing I was a better me back then. When I was growing up my mom’s friends used to look at me and say “Oh he’s going to be a heart breaker!” The nerd with big glasses that I was back then shrugged it off like “huh?” because I didn’t see it and now smart guys are in. Now my glasses are not so big. Hey I’m not complaining.

So the me of now that realizes how important it is to be in the present realizes that the “oh she’ll get over it” philosophy was wrong. The now matters. I should have done more to ease the blow and could have said things better. Most of all I should not have been so selfish leading women on who I knew I wasn’t into that much. Even though I was truly upfront through my words about where I was with them at times my actions may have been construed as the opposite. Not cool. Guys make this mistake all the time. It’s not always with malicious intent though selfish nonetheless.

How do you justify how you treat those that may care about you?

Choosing “to be in the present” as a way of life means taking a brave conscious decision. It requires cutting down the energy supply to our imaginary, idealistic “Mind World”, as well as to our emotional world. It is the only way to deepen our roots to the real world of existence. In fact, this is the only way to reach the Truth.

To gain freedom, first you have to give.
Give the world the freedom to be as it is,
Give people the freedom to live and act as they wish,
And give yourself the freedom to have an opinion about everything.
Reality is wondrous,
Even if everything does not seem to be moral, righteous and perfect:

Not all homes are filled with love
Not all children get what they need
And not everyone is happy

But You can be moral, righteous and sensitive to other’s needs.
You can fill your house with love,
You can offer your children your clear mind.

-Nissim Amon