I was taking a shower this morning and it occurred to me that very few of the women I have been involved with got romance right. There is a surprising number of women that sit back and wait for guys to be romantic. Some have even told me that I should be buying them lingerie and of course then I laughed at that as I do now. Not even one of them that said that really wore lingerie for me ever in the first place. I don’t have a problem doing that but the real issue is that most women wait on guys to be romantic, or never reciprocate and still expect and sit back waiting on it with a false sense of entitlement.

In my experience the most unromantic ones were also the most surprised when it was over and it was more of a sizzle that stopped sizzling. No blowups, no big fights. It was just me over it. These very same women would make comments such as “you don’t light candles anymore” or “you used to buy me flowers” but thinking back to them and their random expressions of love they came up flat.

Apparently there is nothing more attractive to women than a guy in a relationship. Trust me women come out the wood works. Its uncanny. Knowing that, it blows my mind how some women think that they don’t have to do special, romantic, or intimate things for their guys. Especially considering that the intimacy is the only thing that separating them from the random jump-off also throwing it at guys every day hoping he will take the bait. Same goes for guys I would imagine because you know like Chris Rock said any dude offering to do anything nice for any woman nine out of ten times is just really him offering her some dick. So guys keep this in mind.

If someone is special then treat them as such.

A few nights ago I was on Facebook working on an application for a client (I promise) and I got a chat message from an unlikely person. I hate when people on Facebook use random pictures instead of their own for this very reason. I had just accepted a friend request from this person though when I accepted I thought she was someone else entirely. It turned out to be a friend of an ex girlfriend from college. I didn’t know her that well.

Long story short after small talk she asks if I’m single and we end up having this long chat about relationships and dating. She goes into how she despises dating and goes into how (she thinks) she’s so ideal and wonders why she is still single.

I tell her frankly that she must be crazy. Like Halle Berry type crazy. We all know Halle must be crazy and by that I don’t mean crazy as in insane asylum candidate but crazy in that no one is going to put up with her shit type crazy. The on the outside she looks like a keeper but you know in your gut that somethings wrong with that chick type crazy. Halle has been through one too many husbands to run the its not me its them defense.

I must admit though, I was impressed by her resume. Lady is very well educated comes from a good home (no daddy issues), has traveled extensively, loves to cook, has no baby daddy’s, and is attractive. Though after a lengthy chat her problem became apparent. For one she was cocky as shit. She admitted that there was nothing a man could offer her other than being around and sharing a life. I laughed at that. I also laughed at how she bragged about things like Nina Simone singing at her birthday parties growing up and other things of that nature.

This all came to a head when she went into the fact that the last dude left her because he said she did too much. She was puzzled at that. She said he had a trip with friends out of state and she got them hotels, and even sent them hangover baskets among other things. She did things she thought were sweet but most likely came across wrong because its not about doing a lot its about doing the right things.

He probably got away to get away… and also away from her as well. One well thought out gift is better than five random or wrong ones. So maybe her dude just didn’t want all that and she was feeling herself too much. I have been in that situation. Sort of.

Its like when a woman gets upset and feels that you don’t appreciate what she does for you when in fact you don’t want what she did or does in the first place. You would rather she did something else. If you throw a surprise party for me and I hate surprise party’s I will not appreciate it and I wont fake that.

Lets not shoot from the hip. Make it count by making sure it’s what he or she wants. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, or so they say.

Ah, the breakfast “Okey Doke.” All guys fall victim to this one and all ladies do it. Remember the chick you met that made you breakfast that one time early on when you started to get to know her?

You loved that. And that was the proverbial “Okey Doke” because that was probably the last time she did that. Truth is she doesn’t really cook breakfast often. And you fell for it. Now you guys are exclusive and you get no breakfast.

How did that happen? How did you get there? You were fooled!

Were you fooled? It’s a trap.

A Trap?

Ladies don’t realize that the “Breakfast Okey Doke” is representative (pun intended) and the beginning of why most guys refuse to get married to them later on. It’s that initial disappointment from something given or introduced then taken away that has guys so skiddish.

Do you know what guys fear most? The marriage Okey Doke.

The number one fear aside from needing new pussy (smile) is the fear that the woman who they thought was IT for them and totally enough to keep them from needing new pussy will change up on them. To guys its like getting punk’d on some never ending twilight zone shit. If your a guy I know you just cringed.

Men fear that women will change for the worse when they morph into “the wife.” Married men that I have encountered seem to reinforce this theory because most married men I know are the most pervy and seemingly sex deprived creatures on the planet. They salivate and eye fuck chicks all day. Ugh. But I digress.

No single man wants to turn into that mess. It all starts with the breakfast Okey Doke.

I’m on to you women with your trap a brother shenanigans. Breakfast be damned!

So this quote by Jill Scott on marriage and lazy dudes did rub me wrong. In it she asserts that playing PlayStation is somehow the trait of a lazy dude. While yes, there’s a plethora of lazy dudes out there, she has it wrong when it comes to what that has to do with games.

Read the rest of this entry »

So after a stimulating conversation with a female coworker about dating I began to realize something that had eluded me for many months.

I was seeing this woman, and I knew she was not the “one” though she was not bad by any stretch of the imagination. Actually if we were to sit down and have a conversation about her (which I did) I would sound crazy for complaining about anything.

Fairly attractive. Not exactly model material but she is good looking. Didn’t annoy me like most women I date tend to do. Has her shit together. Graduate degree holder, home owner, works for one of the top three firms in her field with a promising career. The sex was great and she was not one of those chicks who was all fast (literal motion) with head either. No sprint, all finesse.

I digress… So yeah, on paper she sounds great and every time I would talk to friends about not wanting to get super serious with her they would look at me weird. That is until I realized that the underlying reason I refused her was because she was sheep.

Aside from her accolades at work, and the sex, I realized that she was common and to me that made all the difference. For example if left to her own accord (me not regulating) she would watch BET, MTV, and VH1 like it was good programming, listen to top 40’s music. She thought a Caesar salad was a healthy option on a menu. How does the saying go… Her glass was already full. There wasn’t much space too add anything in it. Mostly full with fairly standard notions about life, style, and what is cool. You know. Like when Kanye said “How you ordered all that food and a motherfu*king diet coke.” You have to be sheep to think that diet coke sh*t is fine to drink.

Ok, maybe I’m going in on her a bit but only sheep would consistently find BET. MTV or VH1 programming entertaining right? That crap is for THE MASSES. This chick thought that the Transformers 2 movie was a great movie. It blew my mind. I grew up on Transformers and wasn’t too fond of that slightly racist movie. Needless to say a conversation about plots and tropes were out of the question.

What I need in addition to her qualities was someone who is more of a non-traditional thinker. A bit more creative. More intelligent. I guess what she had was enough to keep her around but not enough to get excited about. I’m more for someone to run left field with away from the flock.

Seeing as how today is the anniversary of the untimely demise of arguably one of the greatest emcees I think its only right.

During my teenage years I lived only a few blocks from where Notorious BIG lived and hung out. A few blocks from Fulton Street in Bedstuy. The corner and blocks that you see in the Juicy video are literally a few blocks from where I lived. So yeah we were excited when that video came out. I also lived across the street from Buckshot at one point but I’ll save that for another time.

In any case one summer day after Ready To Die really just started to pick up steam in the streets we were hanging out on the block sitting on my steps cracking jokes. So a van pulled up with camera men and BIG rolled up in a truck. There was this illmatic vintage grafitti mural from the 80’s on my corner back then that said “Happy Birthday Best” (no one ever tagged over it) some will know where I am talking about strictly off that because there was also one of the biggest weed spots in Brooklyn around the other corner of this very same block. Even your favorite rappers from New Jersey made appearances to cop some there so yeah it was one of the buddah spots in Brooklyn back then. That is until on my way home from school one day there was a shooting in front of said weed spot and I saw a man murdered. But again that’s a tale for another day.

Read the rest of this entry »

I know some dudes who now seem to be getting that Strip club fever. Sigh. Those who know me know that in another life I worked at one of the biggest strip clubs in the states. We sold more champagne than any other club in the country at the time. Jeroboams, Magnums, Louis XIII and all that. I’ll get into some tips about bars and bartending from my time working at the bar in another post but this is not about the bars its about what I learned in general from the experience so here goes.

Read the rest of this entry »

Its been crazy lately. Getting used to this one post a day sh*t still has not sunk in. In any case I was recently reminded of an infamous and often annoying question…

“Where have you been?”

This very question has caused me to avoid far too many stores. I HATE when after a hiatus I go into a store and the person who works there asks “Where have you been?” even worse when they expect an answer or they go on about “long time no see.” Its oh so annoying and I typically don’t feel like I should have to go in on why I haven’t been back. If I did then I would be rude. Also typically after getting their guilt trip I avoid those places altogether.

For example there’s a Starbucks in my office building. I used to be a habitual patron. That shit is crack. I stopped going for the most part when I switched to green tea again and one day I wandered in to get that very question. Ugh!

SERENITY NOW!

The only thing worse than that third degree is when a friend or someone you are talking to give you the “Where have you been?,” or “Hey Stranger” line. The guilt trip is not the way to get someone to want to see or speak to you more frequently. Please believe. If I feel that our next interaction is going to begin with a nag, or guilt trip then I may feel inclined to pass. If you want to speak or see me more frequently then just engage or initiate that interaction.

So yes, if we have not spoken it was probably for a reason. Possibly one that may not even have anything to do with you. Other than that perhaps your “where have you been” third degree was not well received.

Forget what you have seen in any Ice Cube “Barbershop” movie or any film for that matter. Barbershops are the worst. If you go and its crowded or even if there is anyone waiting to get a haircut after your finished you WILL get rushed to some degree.

Because of that rush, experiences at the barbershop are inconsistent. One week you will get the best haircut ever and the next time they f*ck it up because they were not fully listening when you said “a little off.”

Then there’s the talking and joking and frankly its all ignorant and I could care less. I don’t care about who got in a fight at the club or if Lil Wayne is better than Malice from Clipse. Barbers are typically on some bullshit. Taking phone calls, talking to other barbers, when they should be concentrating on your sh*t. There should be one of those ordinances or signs like there are now in New York City cabs that say your entitled to a quiet ride.

Didn’t I tell you don’t touch the sides?
I’m goin bald on top!
You lucky you cool, I’ma let it ride
Slide, you played me so you can’t get paid
How you gon’ fu*k up a don and cold dog his fade?
I look like UTFO
One of them dudes from back in the days
The Educator Clapper is housin your coke and the spray
Barbershop nig*az, always wind up fu*kin around
One minute you hot, next minute you not
Remind me of the New York Knicks with they jumpshots…
-Ghostface “Barbershop”

You don’t know what you have until its gone. In high school we got haircuts in the locker room before school, during lunch, or our free periods because my friend Don cut hair.

“Yo I’m going to meet up with Sue after school can you line me up?”

We were so lucky then. Don even came by the crib to cut our hair or sometimes a group of us would all just meet at one of our houses on a Saturday to hang out while Don gave us haircuts. The old Brooklyn days are long gone. These days Don is married and lives in New Jersey. More recently my friend Sal who is also a good barber would cut may hair. I would just go to his house for haircuts… that is until he moved out of state a few years ago.

Don & Sal, you are missed. Pour some out.

The best thing about the barbershop is the hot shave. All men should get them. Seriously. Other than that if you do want a pair of Jordans a size too big that’s half priced, a bootleg DVD of a movie currently in theaters, or a hacked Xbox 360 then yes, the hood barbershop is your place. Other than that I hope you have a friend that can cut hair well and do it at your place.

Without getting overtly metaphysical, existential, or going into a long explanation about attracting positive energy I will say that every now and then its good to look at the people you keep around.

Take note of the people you spend your precious free time with. Some of them may be holding you back, some will keep you running in place (which to me is about the same as holding you back), though hopefully they are helping you to become a better person.

We tend to hang out with and confide in people that we “have known forever” though this may not be in your, or their best interest.

Consider this; you have one very best friend. You guys go everywhere together, do everything together. That sounds great but you both will be limited by those shared experiences. If they have poor eating habits you best believe some of that will spill over in your direction.

The same goes with only hanging out with like minded people. Some times I just turn on Fox News just to see what they have to say. Sure I don’t agree with any of it but nonetheless it’s interesting to hear something totally different than what I may think or believe. With Fox News for me admittedly it’s more of a “know your enemy” thing but on the subject of friends it’s good to have friends that do things you would not. Even better when they have qualities you can admire because you may be lacking in those areas.

Read the rest of this entry »